Confession #32: This is No Time for Crying, This is Time for Praying
There have been several times over the past two months when I have been uplifted by my fellow employees at the CHCH when it should have been the other way around- moments when I should have been the leader, when I should have been providing the comfort, but instead I was the one in tears, I was the weak one, and I was the one seeking strength. Perhaps I should feel weak, or unwise, or less of a leader. Rather, I am just extremely grateful to have such gracious men and women in my life to love me here in Haiti despite my sometimes inability to stand during difficult times. And what I am learning through all of these situations is that my Haitian brothers and sisters are some of the strongest and most faithful people I know, and I desperately need to learn to be more like them while I live here. This is one of those stories.
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I don’t know if you remember, but a while ago I confessed about a friend who recently betrayed me. That friend was an employee here at the CHCH and was someone I loved and trusted very much. Although I am not going to publically share what she did, I will say that the betrayal had to be resolved with multiple lawyers. And I only give this detail because it is pertinent to the story.
One afternoon, Gerome and Hunter had a meeting in our office with our lawyers and her lawyers. Not certain I could keep my emotions in tact, I decided not to attend the meeting. Instead, I sat outside the room on a bench and prayed for the meeting at hand. Although anger had been my dominant emotion for weeks, I was severely hurt underneath it all, still I had refused to cry for her. But as I sat there praying, my heart also began breaking. And as my prayers went up, the tears also began coming down, quite uncontrollably, I might add. And within minutes of weeping all by my lonesome (probably heard by the lawyers inside), I was graciously rescued by four sweet women.
Madame Paulet, Roseline, Suzie, and Zanne all grabbed my arm in unison and pulled me into the nearest room.
“Why are you crying?” they all began lecturing me.
My tears became thicker, so thick I could barely make out their faces in front of me.
“This is no time for crying. This is time for praying,” Madame Paulet said as she lifted up her shirt to wipe away my tears. I thanked God my eyes were so clouded because she had lifted her shirt way to high and pulled me way to close if you know what I mean. But bless her, she was loving on me like a mom and meant well.
By now, I started to laugh, but still couldn’t stop crying.
“STOP CRYING,” they all yelled in unison. And this time I could tell they meant it. So I pulled myself together. Wiping away the left over tears with my own shirt this time, I cleared my eyes and lifted my head towards their direction.
For at least 20 minutes, or at least until the lawyer meeting was finished, those four women prayed over me, sang over me, took turns reciting scripture over me, and shared wisdom with me about God’s providence. And let me tell you something- trying not to cry during something as beautiful as that- well, for a lover of tears like me- it was a miracle! But I had no choice. Those ladies would have killed me had I let out one more whimper!
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Although this story happened over a month ago, I am daily being reminded of the strength of these women. And in the shadow of their strength, the weaknesses I am still trying to overcome.
This is no time for crying. This is time for praying.
What wisdom. What strength. What trust in the Lord!
Why cry when you have God to speak to?
Oh me of little faith, I have so much to learn…