Confession #22: Betrayal is No Fun
It is such a deep, dark kinda word.
The kinda word you read about in a good book or watch on a thrilling movie.
But I’ve lived a simple life with rather simple people and betrayal…well…I’ve never really been betrayed before.
I’ve been lied too.
And persecuted. But betrayed?
I’ve never really encountered the feeling.
Until this week.
I’m not going to go into detail, but I live in a country where I unfortunately can only fully trust a few. The locals in Haiti are always telling me, “Don’t trust anyone. Not even me.”
It’s encouraging, I know.
Here in Haiti, I have a handful of people I can fully trust. Which is hard for me, because I am a rather trusting person. In Haiti, however, everyone is constantly looking over their shoulder, watching their own back, and I am told to follow suite.
Extreme poverty – can lead to desperation – which can lead to desperate acts.
Voodoo – is bathed in superstitious beliefs – which means someone is always out to get you.
I say all this because I want you to realize that trust it hard to gain in Haiti. And I trusted someone. And that someone betrayed me this week. And I don’t really know how I am supposed to be feeling right about now.
I don’t want to succumb to the fear Haitians have against one another. I don’t want to believe what they all say: that I can’t trust anyone down here. I don’t want to constantly have my guard up, constantly be watching my back, constantly making sure I please my neighbor so he won’t put a curse on me. I want to trust my neighbor, think the best in people, and have trusting relationships with those I work with in Haiti!
Is that too much to ask?
That is how I am feeling today. And I don’t really like it.
Question to my fellow (and more experienced) missionary friends:
How do you handle betrayal with local friends in the mission field?