Confession #81: I’m Living in the Just

untitled (109 of 124)It’s one of those seasons…

One of those seasons where I am antsy in the stillness, uncomfortable with the simple, anxious in the just…

I came to Haiti with grand motives, after all.

Motives to save, to restore, and to enlighten (Please, forgive my former self-righteousness).

Now, I am in a new season of living in Haiti- a season where jewelry making and cupcake baking are somewhat of a weekly routine.

And while jewelry and cupcakes are nice, I can’t help but to remember I live in Haiti. You know- HAITI. Like, the poorest county in the world- HAITI. And here, lately, I am…just…stringing beads and icing cupcakes.

This morning, as I lay here in my hammock I am thinking back. I can feel God telling me to put the cupcakes into perspective, for they are serving a greater purpose than I realize. And the bead making, the countless hours of bead making, there is beauty being made over that table that surpasses the jewelry.

Back at the orphanage, at one time, we had just over 60 kids. As you can imagine, it was impossible for us to give the love and attention needed to each child. Even with the Haitian staff, none of our kids received the affection they needed growing up. After all, none of them had parents.

Now things are different. Now it is only 17 of them living in a home with a set of Haitian parents. And now they don’t have to compete for my attention among 50 other kids + staff. Chances are if they need me or want to spend time with me, I am available.

And so, because my time is now available, because I am not too busy “saving” and “restoring” and “enlightening” all of Haiti, my girls at Emmaus House are soaking up my time with jewelry and cupcakes.

Making jewelry with my girls, it really is so much fun. The relationships I am building with them are worth ever minute. I have learned so much about each girl sitting at the table with them, making beads. The time I have been able to commit to them, as simple as it may sometimes seem to me, is all part of God’s plan. He is growing us closer together. He is teaching them to trust me, and even for me to trust them. He is teaching us to enjoy each other, to laugh with each other. And He is teaching us, over a table of bead making, that we are not so different from each other. God is slowly revealing to me characteristics of myself in many of the girls. Characteristics that maybe I would have never noticed in them had I never stopped to really notice.

Now because I spend so much time with my girls make jewelry these days, we talk a lot about what most girls do I imagine: chocolate, cake, cookies and the sorts. So lately they have been coming over a lot to make cupcakes with me. Sometimes they come for a purpose, but sometimes it is just because they feel like eating cupcakes.

I don’t show it, but I kind of like when they come over to make cupcakes with me. It is just…just…so girly! We pop in a girly TV show or movie to watch as we bake and Hunter tends to hide out until the process is complete.

Today the girls are coming over to make cupcakes with me after school. Can’t wait.

So right now, I am living in the just…

Just living life…

Not saving the world…

Just living…

And my just living just happens to including six awesome girls who God is blessing me to get to know really well during this season.

This season of my life, it may include a lot of jewelry and a lot of cupcakes. It may seem still and simple. But I believe this is where God has me right now. Because this where my girls are. So for this season, I will be here with them also.

Where does God have you this season?

~ Jillian

Comments

  1. Jillian, when I was your age, I too was often impatient living in the “just now” moments, which made me feel that I should surely be conquering bigger tasks, planning for the future, and skipping over the trivialities.

    I believe I was much older than you before I realized that those “just now” moments compose a valuable portion of our lives. In fact, I had to trade in that famous quote, “If you fail to plan, plan to fail,” and switch it for another famous quote which states that “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”

    You are a wise young woman indeed to have already discovered the beauty and truths that “living in the just now with those six awesome girls” provides!

    QI vote for jewelry making, cupcake baking, and joy taking…just now…for Jillian and those awesome girls…in Haiti! In the process, you may be surprised at just who becomes “saved, enlightened, and restored.” God bless you all.

    I had to switch a

  2. Nana Jana- I hate auto correct!
    “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”- love it and live that completely!

  3. So glad that these precious girls have you! Wish I could join the bead-making table. Lots of good will come from those pieces of jewelry. :)

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